RAMADAN JOKES

Ramadan Jokes:
Mr Akpors David & Mr Ambali
Micheal
were lost in the Sahara desert.
They
were dying of thirst and hunger when
they saw a mosque. Mr Akpors
David
said: "Let's pretend we are
Muslims, otherwise we'll not
get any food or drink. I'm going to call myself
'Ahmed'
". Mr Ambali Micheal refused to
change
his name and said: "I will not
pretend to be other than but what I am!"
The
Imam of the mosque received
both well and asked about
their names; Mr
Akpors David said: "My name is Ahmed" Mr Ambali Micheal
said: "My
name is Micheal" The Imam
turned to
his followers and said: "Please
bring food and water for Micheal
only" and then he turned to Mr
Akpors David
(Ahmed) and said 'RAMADAN
MUBARAK BROTHER' "



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Mrs.Akpors

Mrs Akpors - a housewife
realizing that the housemaid -
Chinyere had started behaving
funny decided to engage her
one
morning. Mrs Akpors: "Chinyere why u
dey behave anyhow these
days? Abi u
dey craze self? E be like say u
no
wan know ya mate for this house
again o. U carry craze for head?
Abi face no dey fear face for
ya
village?" Chinyere: "Look at
you, which kind wife wey u be? After all my
food
dey sweet pass your own...."
Mrs Akpors: "Ehn who tell you
say
you cook pass me?" Chinyere: "Oga now..." Mrs
Akpors: "Lord have mercy.
Papa Nkem go come meet me
for
this house... Na war between
me and am today. Oooh no
wonder...
I dey suspect since..."
Chinyere: "I even better pass u
for bed..."
Mrs Akpors: "Yeeppaaaa.. I'm finished. So...na papa Nkem
dey
tell u all that?"
Chinyere: "No ooo! Na the
driver
tell me." Mrs Akpors: "Uhmm Chi baby,
Chinyerry, Chinlosky...come
here
ehn... Good girl. Abeg no let
Oga
hear that one. OK...."

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ramadan jokes

Ramadan Jokes:
Mr Akpors David & Mr Ambali
Micheal
were lost in the Sahara desert.
They
were dying of thirst and hunger when
they saw a mosque. Mr Akpors
David
said: "Let's pretend we are
Muslims, otherwise we'll not
get any food or drink. I'm going to call myself
'Ahmed'
". Mr Ambali Micheal refused to
change
his name and said: "I will not
pretend to be other than but what I am!"
The
Imam of the mosque received
both well and asked about
their names; Mr
Akpors David said: "My name is Ahmed" Mr Ambali Micheal
said: "My
name is Micheal" The Imam
turned to
his followers and said: "Please
bring food and water for Micheal
only" and then he turned to Mr
Akpors David
(Ahmed) and said 'RAMADAN
MUBARAK BROTHER' "

mrs akpors

Mrs Akpors - a housewife
realizing that the housemaid -
Chinyere had started behaving
funny decided to engage her
one
morning. Mrs Akpors: "Chinyere why u
dey behave anyhow these
days? Abi u
dey craze self? E be like say u
no
wan know ya mate for this house
again o. U carry craze for head?
Abi face no dey fear face for
ya
village?" Chinyere: "Look at
you, which kind wife wey u be? After all my
food
dey sweet pass your own...."
Mrs Akpors: "Ehn who tell you
say
you cook pass me?" Chinyere: "Oga now..." Mrs
Akpors: "Lord have mercy.
Papa Nkem go come meet me
for
this house... Na war between
me and am today. Oooh no
wonder...
I dey suspect since..."
Chinyere: "I even better pass u
for bed..."
Mrs Akpors: "Yeeppaaaa.. I'm finished. So...na papa Nkem
dey
tell u all that?"
Chinyere: "No ooo! Na the
driver
tell me." Mrs Akpors: "Uhmm Chi baby,
Chinyerry, Chinlosky...come
here
ehn... Good girl. Abeg no let
Oga
hear that one. OK...."

Buoro wedding regret

Buoro was sitting by the right,
but it didn't
get to him, the rice finished. He changed seat to
left. They started sharing
minerals,
but before it
got to him, the mineral don
finish. He decided not to want to
be different anymore and
maintained
that seat.
When they began
sharing tooth_pick they started
from him.

~ Laughing Mattaz~ ---RAMADAN JOKE---

A MUST READ RAMADAN JOKE.
One day my papa call me, my
brother
and my mother
together and tell us say if we dream say
them wan give us something
for dream make we no
collect, say na enemies wan
give
us bad things. He say if we dream that kind
dream
make we tell am and he go
buy that thing wey them
wan
give us for dream for us. Two days later my brother
sleep for night dey mention
RICE! RICE!! RICE!!!, ma papa
wake am
say wetin dey
happen, he say them wan give am rice
for dream. My
papa give am #500 say make
he take eat rice. When i see
say the thing dey work... The
next day i start to dey shout
MR BIGGS!!! for night. Ma papa
say
wetin, i say them wan gimme
Mr Biggs for dream. My
papa gimme #1000 make i take eat Mr Biggs. Na so i do
wey
i take
buy my phone and
bicycle. But the one wey i do
wey i take spoil evrything na
for one night wen i dey shout
RANGE ROVER SPORT!!!, ma
papa wake up say wetin... I
say
them wan gimme RANGE ROVER SPORT for dream.
My papa say 'sleep make you
collect am. Lwkmd
[image]

~ Laughing Mattaz~ ---ANEMBARRASSING MOMENT---

~ Laughing Mattaz~ ---AN
EMBARRASSING MOMENT--- I
was in a public toilet and just
got
started to do my business, a
voice from the next cubicle said: "Hi !, how
are you ?"
Embarrassed, I replied, "I'm
doing fine".
Then the voice said "So what
are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the
same as you,
From next door,
"Can I come over?". Annoyed,
I said
"am rather busy right now". The voice
said, "Listen, I will have to call
you back,
there's an idiot next door
answering all my questions"..
If you were to be the one,what will you
do.... Chai if na me....
I go enter ground! Hehehehe.

a woman

A woman baked bread for
members of her
family
and an extra one for a hungry
passerby. She
kept the extra bread on the window
sill,
for
whosoever
would take it away. Every
day, a hunchback came and took
away the bread.
Instead of
expressing gratitude, he
muttered
the following words as he went
his way: "The
evil you do
remains with you: The good
you
do, comes back
to you!" This went on, day
after day. Every
day,
the hunchback came, picked up
the bread and
uttered the words: "The evil
you do, remains
with
you: The good you do, comes
back to you!"
The woman felt irritated. "Not
a
word
of
gratitude," she said to herself.
"Everyday this hunchback
utters this jingle!
What
does he mean?" One day,
exasperated, she decided to do away with him.
"I
shall get rid of
this hunchback," she said. And
what did she
do? She added poison to the bread
she prepared
for
him! As she was about to keep
it
on the window sill, her hands trembled. "What
is
this I am doing?" she said.
Immediately,
she
threw the bread into the fire, prepared
another one and
kept it on the window sill. As
usual, the hunchback came,
picked up the
bread and muttered the words: "The evil you
do,
remains with you: The good
you do, comes
back
to you!" The hunchback proceeded
on his
way, blissfully unaware of the
war
raging in the
mind of the woman.
Every day, as the woman
placed
the bread on the
window sill, she offered a
prayer for her son
who
had gone to a distant place to
seek his
fortune.
For many months, she had no news of him.
She
prayed for his safe return. That
evening, there
was a knock on the door. As
she opened it,
she
was surprised to find her son
standing in the doorway. He
had grown thin and
lean. His garments were tattered and
torn.
He was
hungry, starved and weak.
As he saw his mother, he said,
"Mom, it's a miracle I'm here. While I was
but
a
mile away, I
was so famished that I
collapsed. I would
have
died, but just then an old
hunchback passed by. I
begged of him for a morsel of
food, and he
was
kind enough to give me a whole
bread. As he gave it to me, he
said, "This is
what
I eat
everyday: today, I shall give it to
you, for your
need is greater than mine!" " As
the mother
heard those words, her face
turned pale. She leaned against the door for
support. She
remembered the poisoned
bread that she
had
made that morning. Had she not
burnt it in
the
fire, it would have been eaten
by her own
son, and he would have lost his life!
It
was then
that
she realized the significance of
the words:
"The
evil you do remains with you:
The
good you
do, comes back to you!" Moral:
Do good and Don't ever stop
doing
good,
even if it is not appreciated at
that time. Because
some
day or the other, if not in this
world but surely
in the Hereafter you are going
to get
compensated
for your actions in this world.
Be blessed and have a great
week ahead

be (Once there was a young

#A #MUST-READ
One day, a poor boy who was
begging from
door to door to feed his
hungry
stomach decided he would ask for a
meal at the next house.
However, he
lost his nerve when
a lovely
young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal,
he asked for a drink of water.
The woman thought he looked
hungry, so she
brought him a large glass of milk.
He drank it slowly, and then
asked, "how much do I owe
you?". "you don't owe me
anything",
she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept
pay for kindness".
"he said... Then I thank you
from my heart". Years later,
that
young woman became critically ill. The local
doctors are baffled because
they couldn't cure her.
They finally sent her to the big
city, where they call specialists
to study her rare
illness. Dr. Howard Kelly
was called in for the
consultation. When he heard
the name of the town where
she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately,
he rose and went
down the hall of the hospital
to
her room. He
recognised her at once. he went back 2 d consultation
room
determined to
do his best to
save her life. From that day, he
gave special attention to that case. After long
struggle, the battle was won!!!
Dr.
Kelly requested the business
office to pass the final bill
to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something
on the bill. It was sent to her
room. The woman feared
opening
it, for she was sure it
will take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she
looked, and noticed
something was written at the
edge of the note. "paid for in
full
for a glass of milk". Tears filled
her eyes as she immediately
remembered... Every form of
kindness you sow doesn't
bounce,
it reproduces itself. Not necessary before your eyes,
but it always does. I've been
kind to you by sharing this
story
with you all. So, be kind to
share it with others. It is good to be good. Always
be
nice for it always comes back
to
You..

Once there was ayoung girl hu decided 2 take

this ir not a joke but for all other. Story.

Once there was a
young girl hu decided 2 take...]

Once there was a young girl hu
decided 2 take a short cut
home
frm school. The fastest way 2
ha
house was to cut thru an alley. The girl approachd d alley way.
She saw a man standin lyk he
was waitin 4 some1. She said a
prayer:"Dear God pls lead me
thru
dis alleyway, safe & unharmed. Amen." The girl walkd thru the
alley & past the man. Later on
d@ night the girl dcided 2
watch the news. She saw d@
man had
murdered & raped a young girl. The police said the man told
them
anoda girl had passed thru d
alley 10mins b4. They asked
him y
he ddn't attack d first girl. He said there was a man walking
beside her!. GOD WALKS WITH
US.WE
DENY HIS PRESENCE BUT HE IS
ALWAYS THERE.
95% Of PeoPLE WIL JST READ THIS
AND SHUT THEIR PHONES,BUT BE
AM0NG THE 5% DAT WILL
READ And
ShARE / SEND TO FRIENDS.Dn't
be ashamed 2 admit u're a Child of
God.
Sorry I had no choice I'm a
child
of God!! Dis is a test to see who
has more followers...God or Satan. If God
"HIT LIKE AND SHARE"; if satan
"IGNORE THIS POST". I PRAY
DAT D L0RD WILL ALWAYZ
WALK BESIDE U,THIS
RAMADAN...AMEEN!

A MUST READRAMADAN JOKE. One day my

A MUST READ RAMADAN JOKE.
One day my papa call me, my
brother
and my mother
together and tell us say if we dream say
them wan give us something
for dream make we no
collect, say na enemies wan
give
us bad things. He say if we dream that kind
dream
make we tell am and he go
buy that thing wey them
wan
give us for dream for us. Two days later my brother
sleep for night dey mention
RICE! RICE!! RICE!!!, ma papa
wake am
say wetin dey
happen, he say them wan give am rice
for dream. My
papa give am #500 say make
he take eat rice. When i see
say the thing dey work... The
next day i start to dey shout
MR BIGGS!!! for night. Ma papa
say
wetin, i say them wan gimme
Mr Biggs for dream. My
papa gimme #1000 make i take eat Mr Biggs. Na so i do
wey
i take
buy my phone and
bicycle. But the one wey i do
wey i take spoil evrything na
for one night wen i dey shout
RANGE ROVER SPORT!!!, ma
papa wake up say wetin... I
say
them wan gimme RANGE ROVER SPORT for dream.
My papa say 'sleep make you
collect am. Lwkmd

DATE WITH BMW X6

A guy on a date in his new
BMW X6 car
with his babe said to his to his
girl-
friend.. GUY: I have been hiding
a secret from u and i think i will break this
affair if I tell
u.. GIRL: What is that my
love?? Just tell me
what it is.. GUY: I'm married..!
GIRL: Awwh!! U scared the shit off me.. I
thought u wanted to say the
car is not
YOURS..! LWKMD
Nija girls make una turn una
sur-name to car

"If you knowyour wife iscontrolling you, move to theleft!"

A Pastor was preaching in a
Church and
announces:- "If you know
your wife is
controlling you, move to the
left!" All the men in the Church moved to the
left, except
one man... The Pastor was
amused and asked:
"How come your wife can't
control you?"
The man kindly replied by
saying:
"Pastor, its my wife who says
I should not move from here
ooo!! Next conversation